Matrignosis: A Blog About Inner Wisdom

Think Pyschologically; Live Spiritually

The Space Odyssey of Projection: Part II January 13, 2012

Here’s one example of how I’ve experienced projection. After years of dreamwork I learned that I have a harsh inner critic who loves to lambast me with negative self-talk. I call him my Spiritual Bully. He says things to me like, “That was a stupid remark! How thoughtless can you be?” Or “You think you’re so smart but nobody else sees things the way you do.” Or, “Did you hear that mean thought you just had? What a hypocrite you are, Miss Compassionate Person!” He gained his power over me by feeding off the self-doubt of my inner wounded child who believes she is basically unlovable and unworthy. How she got that way is another story.

So several years ago I was working on a project with some unusually spiritual, accomplished and intelligent women. Over time I noticed that one whom I particularly admired had a tendency to say things to me that felt like mean, personal put-downs, especially about my thinking, writing, and teaching on psychological and spiritual matters: subjects I considered my areas of expertise. Her comments hurt me very much and it became increasingly difficult to contain my anger.

Feeling this angry at a casual acquaintance was a new experience for me. I knew from my Jungian studies that my strong response to her meant there must be a part of me that was like a part of her, but I couldn’t imagine what it was. One day when we were alone I finally told her how angry I was about a comment she had made in response to an observation of mine. She was flabbergasted! She had no idea she had said something hurtful and asked me if I would let her know the next time it happened!

That’s when I finally got it that she was as well-meaning as I was and we both had a somewhat intellectually proud and spiritually critical shadow of which neither was aware. Ouch! Others saw these tendencies in her too—no doubt they likewise saw them in me—but no one I knew seemed to have the problem with her that I did. Why was I so sensitive? Because her comments confirmed my Spiritual Bully’s criticisms of me. Since I couldn’t see him in myself I couldn’t get angry at him for causing me so much pain, but I sure could get angry at her! As you can well imagine, it was tough accepting the truth about this particular inner space alien!

Another example. The family of a man I once knew told me he was very controlling. One day he attended a workshop I led on the shadow. After an exercise in which attendees were to list 5 people they had problems with and why, he said the people on his list were very controlling. “This can’t be right,” he said somewhat defensively and indignantly. “I’m not the least bit controlling and everyone knows these people are, so how could they represent a part of me?” See?

So how can we discover our projections? By noticing our emotions. Anything that evokes a strong emotional response in us is related to one of our unconscious issues or complexes as Jung called them, and we project parts of these onto others! We love who we love or hate who we hate because in them we see qualities we suspect might belong to us as well. The stronger the emotion, the more unconscious the projection. We don’t want to believe in projection because we don’t want to see the shadows lurking in our inner space. But there are several very good reasons why we should learn to recognize them. I’ll share some next time.

 

10 Responses to “The Space Odyssey of Projection: Part II”

  1. giannakali Says:

    I needed this reminder today! thank you!

    Like

  2. Viv Says:

    Timely!
    I began reading Dream Theatres in earnest last night and have become more dilligent about recording dreams.
    This projection thing fascinates me.

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    • jeanraffa Says:

      Good morning, Viv. I love it! When we’re serious about acquiring self-knowledge, everything around us seems to support it, doesn’t it? To be fascinated by the processes of our own minds and become intentional about understanding them seems to unleash enormous stores of power. Enjoy the ride! Jeanie

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  3. good post, it resonates with me. that inner deamon-is anyone ever free of it?

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    • jeanraffa Says:

      I don’t think so. As long as there is light, there will be dark. I think the best we can do is see it without fearing it; embrace it without letting it terrorize us or anyone else. Jeanie

      Like

  4. jazzminey Says:

    Seriously, I have been thinking along these very same lines lately. I am ready to write something which speaks of projection but not overtly. Now I can put a label to my feelings.

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  5. You said, …”but nobody else sees things the way you (I) do.” Thank God for that, Jeanie. Your insights are always well reasoned and thought provoking. We need more of that.
    Personally, I don’t have a problem with people projecting their issues on me since I don’t pay attention to what anyone says anyway. Right. I wish.
    Great post, Jeanie, and something i, and I suspect, a few others, need to be reminded of on occasion. Maybe even more than on occasion.
    Charlie

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    • jeanraffa Says:

      Thank you, Charlie. Writing about it is a good reminder for me as well. In my experience, growing up and becoming conscious is pretty much a process of “two steps forward and one backward.” Still, I keep plodding away! I think perseverence is the key! Jeanie

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