In this final post in my series about the King and Queen archetypes, I’d like to share an example of someone whose psychological awareness influenced her work life. Since I’ve known her, my friend Trish’s personality has been characterized by warmth, empathy, caring, listening, understanding, supporting, and cooperating behaviors that show respect for individual differences and seek the kind of unity and harmony one associates with a loving family. These qualities all point to a highly activated Queen.
In Jungian psychology it’s understood that beneath our conscious personalities there are opposite, undeveloped qualities of which we remain unconscious. Sometimes these unlived shadows sneak into our outer behavior and cause problems. Trish discovered this some years ago when she was hired as manager of marketing and public relations for a large company and found herself smack in the middle of a “family” organized almost entirely around the King’s priorities. There, her unconscious King began to butt heads with the corporation’s over-zealous King.
Early on she wrote a memo from her department to the entire organization. Had she been more aware of her King she would have thought twice before doing this, for in typical King fashion, there were guidelines for sending out memos, and there was a hierarchy of people who had to approve them before they were released. Since her Queen saw the other employees as brothers and sisters with whom she could communicate as directly and spontaneously as she wished, it had not occurred to her that there would be a chain of command. Later she learned that her letter had offended several co-workers.
When Trish arrived her department was demoralized. As a tiny minority of creative thinkers in a profession of linear thinkers, her team felt invalidated, unappreciated, downtrodden, and powerless. No one had listened to their complaints or cared what they thought and they’d never been complimented for their work. In true Queen fashion, Trish gave attention to each individual, acknowledging their work and encouraging them to do more of what they loved.
But while Trish’s willingness to listen, understand, and support did wonders for the team’s morale, it created a whole new set of challenges. As the work environment grew more relaxed and the team members interacted openly with each other on a more confident, informal basis, they began to experience some of the problems that every group of intimate equals invariably faces.
For example, when some of them violated the dress code and grew more casual about promptness and working the prescribed number of hours, Trish was called to task by her boss. Someone had to enforce the standards. That’s when she knew she had to develop her healthy King. At first her awareness of the damage the one-sided King mentality had done to her staff made it difficult to know how. As she told me, she often felt like she was walking a tightrope, and sometimes she felt incompetent because the King’s domain was such unfamiliar territory. But with time she found effective ways to express her King without betraying her Queen.
Empowering both leadership styles has made a difference in other aspects of her life too. When a close relationship threatened her financial security she stood firm in her authority, refusing to be taken advantage of. Her King energy was also very useful when she launched a successful marketing business. By bravely opening to her depths, Trish is strengthening an inner partnership that is establishing her sovereignty over her outer life.
How has partnering your King and Queen made a difference in your life?