Matrignosis: A Blog About Inner Wisdom

Think Pyschologically; Live Spiritually

To Be or Not to Be a Zombie: Part II February 1, 2013

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADream #4401: The Founder Wants My Help
I’m with a blonde-haired woman at a conference about wounded masculinity. It’s disorganized and unfocused. As I prepare to leave, a tall, attractive man in a gray suit invites me to meet the founder of this organization. I follow him to an oval woven basket on the ground. In it lies a man. He has a head, a withered trunk, a tiny right arm and no other limbs. His face, voice and personality are normal and vitally alive. He smiles warmly and says he’s been watching me. The tall man concurs, “He has a list of everything you did yesterday.” I think I’m being recruited to join this organization. I don’t want to because it would take time away from writing.

Associations: This aspect of my animus has a lively mind, acute powers of observation, and a pleasant personality. But he’s physically challenged and needs me. This dream and the one I discussed in my last post came on the same night. As such, they probably address the same issue. In the previous dream I met a part of my animus that speaks about consciousness. In this one I met the “founder.”  Does this reference the masculine half of the foundation of my psyche, the Self? He seems to want my involvement in healing the wounded masculine. But why? How?

Healing the Sacred Divide, is about integrating the wounded feminine and masculine into consciousness with a strong emphasis on the feminine. These dreams suggest that the Self wants me to bring the wounded masculine into consciousness and that this will require more organization, focus and “legwork.” Will I cling to my ego’s current standpoint, or will I trust the Self and leap into the unknown? My dream ego is reluctant to leap and I know why:  inertia, my sensitive nature, and uncertainty.

(1)Inertia: I’ve spent years studying the wounded feminine and it’s easy and fun to stay home and write about it. Studying wounded masculinity and making more presentations would require expending more energy in new directions. (2) Sensitivity: Traveling and speaking are stressful and expose me to potentially uncomfortable situations and people, some of whom might argue with me! I hate conflict! (3) Uncertainty: Exactly what “leap” am I being asked to make? To make more speeches about wounded masculinity, or to “speak” more about it in my writing?

I’ve actively pursued self-knowledge and consciousness for 24 years. Before every leap there was always a period of confusion and questioning, and I’ve learned that tolerating the tension of this “wait time” is essential. Our choices are rarely as polarized as they seem at first glance and it takes time to find the middle ground. Guidance from the depths does require choice, but choice requires discernment!

I’m not sure I want to move in new directions but I don’t want to be a rigid, unconscious zombie either. I’m getting a strong message that my scholar/speaker animus is withering and becoming a “basket case” and I can’t ignore that. He wants to do things and I am his vehicle. Is there a way to help him without betraying my needs for alone time, self-knowledge and writing?

I don’t know the answers right now, but I’m pretty sure I need a better understanding of my wounded animus so I’ll focus on that while I await answers. Meanwhile, I won’t be turning down any invitations to make presentations. And if you want to weigh in on my dilemma, I welcome your associations with these dreams.

My newest book, Healing the Sacred Divide, can be found at this Amazon link or at Larson Publications, Inc.

 

11 Responses to “To Be or Not to Be a Zombie: Part II”

  1. Sloan Says:

    Very thought provoking post, Jean! Thanks for sharing it. Love & Light, S

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  2. farid Says:

    animus+?=unit

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  3. […] I’ve actively pursued self-knowledge and consciousness for 24 years. Before every leap there was always a period of confusion and questioning, and I’ve learned that tolerating the tension of this “…  […]

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  4. Jeanie, as always, I admire your ability to make your dreams and dream interpretations interesting and digestible for the reader. What good dreams you have, my dear!
    I vote for the go out and teach consciousness idea. (Is voting an option?) Our world, women and men, needs more women teachers with strong, conscious positive animus energy. I hope you give the founder a body.
    Not being interested in a new direction? That doesn’t sound like you. It sounds like me. As I prepare to submit a first query, I have ice-cold feet in the middle of the night. Do I want to shake up my life? What if this means I have to disrupt my comfy introverted writing life and go out and talk to people about grief and love? It does mean that, and I’m scared about it. Too much unknown, which takes me back to the second quote by Monica Wikman in your previous post.
    Thank you for waking me up and making me feel less alone.
    With appreciation for all you write and all you do, Elaine

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    • jeanraffa Says:

      I do have some interesting dreams from time to time. Too bad (or maybe ‘good thing’) my ego can’t take credit for them!

      Yes, voting is an option. Thanks for yours!

      I certainly relate to your midnight chills. I’ve felt all of that too. I guess it just comes with the territory of waking up, growing into our power, becoming more confident and conscious, moving into whatever energy presents itself, and wanting to share what we know. The good news is that while I always feel anxious when I’m preparing for a presentation, I always feel elated when it’s over! I did it! I sang my song and danced my dance and it was good!! Big high five!

      I’m sending you a mental high five in advance, just to remind you of what awaits you down the road, my wise and brave friend!

      Jeanie

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  5. Skip Conover Says:

    I guess I’m dense, because I didn’t pick up on the emphasis on the feminine in Healing the Sacred Divide [other than the fact that most “wounded” men wouldn’t pick up the book in the first place–their problem]. And so I think I’ll just ask, “Isn’t working on this what the book and your journey as a writer are all about?”

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    • jeanraffa Says:

      Yes it is. At the time I had this dream and wrote this post I had been pondering the question of whether or not I was being enough of an activist for my cause and was worried that I might not have given enough attention to the wounded masculine. But of course, implicit in most of what I write is the severe wounding of the masculine in our culture due to the equally severe attempts to dismiss and disempower the feminine. I see now that with all my inner work and writing I AM being enough of an activist, and that addressing more directly some of the manifestations of male wounding was probably all I needed to do.

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