Matrignosis: A Blog About Inner Wisdom

Think Pyschologically; Live Spiritually

To Be or Not to Be a Zombie: Part II February 1, 2013

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERADream #4401: The Founder Wants My Help
I’m with a blonde-haired woman at a conference about wounded masculinity. It’s disorganized and unfocused. As I prepare to leave, a tall, attractive man in a gray suit invites me to meet the founder of this organization. I follow him to an oval woven basket on the ground. In it lies a man. He has a head, a withered trunk, a tiny right arm and no other limbs. His face, voice and personality are normal and vitally alive. He smiles warmly and says he’s been watching me. The tall man concurs, “He has a list of everything you did yesterday.” I think I’m being recruited to join this organization. I don’t want to because it would take time away from writing.

Associations: This aspect of my animus has a lively mind, acute powers of observation, and a pleasant personality. But he’s physically challenged and needs me. This dream and the one I discussed in my last post came on the same night. As such, they probably address the same issue. In the previous dream I met a part of my animus that speaks about consciousness. In this one I met the “founder.”  Does this reference the masculine half of the foundation of my psyche, the Self? He seems to want my involvement in healing the wounded masculine. But why? How?

Healing the Sacred Divide, is about integrating the wounded feminine and masculine into consciousness with a strong emphasis on the feminine. These dreams suggest that the Self wants me to bring the wounded masculine into consciousness and that this will require more organization, focus and “legwork.” Will I cling to my ego’s current standpoint, or will I trust the Self and leap into the unknown? My dream ego is reluctant to leap and I know why:  inertia, my sensitive nature, and uncertainty.

(1)Inertia: I’ve spent years studying the wounded feminine and it’s easy and fun to stay home and write about it. Studying wounded masculinity and making more presentations would require expending more energy in new directions. (2) Sensitivity: Traveling and speaking are stressful and expose me to potentially uncomfortable situations and people, some of whom might argue with me! I hate conflict! (3) Uncertainty: Exactly what “leap” am I being asked to make? To make more speeches about wounded masculinity, or to “speak” more about it in my writing?

I’ve actively pursued self-knowledge and consciousness for 24 years. Before every leap there was always a period of confusion and questioning, and I’ve learned that tolerating the tension of this “wait time” is essential. Our choices are rarely as polarized as they seem at first glance and it takes time to find the middle ground. Guidance from the depths does require choice, but choice requires discernment!

I’m not sure I want to move in new directions but I don’t want to be a rigid, unconscious zombie either. I’m getting a strong message that my scholar/speaker animus is withering and becoming a “basket case” and I can’t ignore that. He wants to do things and I am his vehicle. Is there a way to help him without betraying my needs for alone time, self-knowledge and writing?

I don’t know the answers right now, but I’m pretty sure I need a better understanding of my wounded animus so I’ll focus on that while I await answers. Meanwhile, I won’t be turning down any invitations to make presentations. And if you want to weigh in on my dilemma, I welcome your associations with these dreams.

My newest book, Healing the Sacred Divide, can be found at this Amazon link or at Larson Publications, Inc.

 

 
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